Friday, February 24, 2006
Retreating
"Life is no more than a cyclical flow of events. We're just pathetic beings on this even more pathetic world re-enacting an achetypal experience..."To quote is to retreat behind language, a language that has been shaped by other consciousness. It is not the simplistic idea of borrowing ideas, but rather, it is your subconscious mind at work. We all just want to be happy, don't we? And that's what our subconscious mind is best at doing - Keeping us happy.
Once again, my bathing sessions proved more than just serving its primary purpose of keeping myself speck clean and smelling fantastic. I was wondering about the issue of a Selfish God that Christians believe in. Or should I say, submit to. As all might know how much I tend to mock over-religious people who preach about the glory of God and what not, and I don't do that based on plain stupidity. I think submitting to something without much conscious thought is stupidity, so I choose the other way round, the route which might potentially lead me to Hell. But that isn't a fearful thought, because going against your own beliefs is what scares me most. Not being yourself, not having the free will to think and believe what you wish to is a terrible feeling. At times, I really wished I was dead. I want to die, and experience, and trascend to the other realm. I want to know what's awaiting me at the other side. I'm just afraid of the method of death, because I absolutely do not enjoy slow painful deaths. What I do hope is that, beneath that coffin or amidst the ashes of mine, I would be fully punctuate with accomplishment of great things that carry my name, and that it would truly be an End. How nice, how beautiful.
Back to the issue anyhow - I was thinking about how the people in say, third-world countries or primitive environments, who do not have proper, formal access to even the knowledge of Christianity. I mean frankly, don't think everybody knows about Jesus and the Bible, I personally beg to differ. Would they too be subjugated and make subservient too? Would they too incur the wrath of God and be banished to Hell forever? Well if that's the case, I don't know what the hell is wrong with all these religious doctrines. Because not only is such a conclusion inhumane, it is totally unparrallelled to all the glory and beauty of religion. I'm becoming increasing skeptical about religion honestly.
But what if God really is that way? And perhaps He might have made his presence known to these backward people in a way or another? Well then, I guess we're all just screwed. And hence I quote again:
"God is dead: of His pity for man hath God died."
We are all such stuff as manure is made on.
You and I: We're just SHIT.
posted@9:10 PM
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
4 mins.
Click for expanded size
4 mins was all it took for a Medal to fly away.
posted@10:31 PM
Thursday, February 16, 2006
WHAT A WEEK!!!!!!
Just came back from FRANZ FERDINAND LIVE IN SINGAPORE CONCERT!!!FUCKING ROCKED MY BRAINS, BALLS AND WHAT NOT!!!
It was my Valentine's Day gift from my baby. How appropriate. It's hands down, HANDS DOWN the best V-Day gift EVER. My goodness, I was so excited when I found out about her little 'surprise', which was unfortunately uncovered by the sinister but cunning me. Although she was really not exactly a huge fan of the band, she still bought a ticket for herself (free standing mind you = most expensive), as well as me =) But I sure hoped she enjoyed herself, she was dancing pretty well and rocking hard to the music.
I only had issues with the amplifiers, and the band themself also apologised for it. It was way too sharp for my ears, and didn't sound too pleasant with their Fender guitars. The sharp sound, crisp, thin sound of Fender guitars just didn't go hand in hand with the amps. But vocals were great, drums were great. Just wished I was on the side where the bassist was. I was too excited and ended up squeesing into the wrong side =\ Lead guitarist Nicholas McCarthy's mike was also way too powerful. Damn squeaky >< Honestly the sound wasn't as good. I thought the bands at BayBeats had a much more balanced setup than Franz Ferdinand. But STILL, I danced, jumped, shouted, sang all my heart out. I really felt so at ease after that, I was truly alive then.
And on V-day itself, we went to Tony Roma's. Pretty good place, but we had to queue up to get a seat, cause no reservations were allowed. And that was also the reason why I chose that place. Good ribs, but I think she didn't quite like the food there. Anyhow, it was afterall a pleasant night for both of us, taking our own sweet time to finish the huge portions of food, which was unusually too strong for our liking.
Right now I'm still damn fucking high, but I can't wait to talk to my baby on the phone. Till then.
FRANZ FERDINAND BLOWED MY ASS!!!
posted@11:58 PM
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Emptiness
There's nothing more meeting you at the end of the road but emptiness.You could work you ass off your entire life and make yourself a multi-millionaire, kill someone else whom you deeply hate, but what do you feel but just mere emptiness. When the anger subsides, you feel more empty than ever, and start questioning why you even committed the act.
I hate him. And sometimes I'm not sure if I feel the same towards you or not. Because I once remembered how you clearly told me:
"If another girl comes into your life, I'll take the exit."
Promptly, clearly, straight-faced, right shot towards me. I understood, and was clear that I was never gonna let such a thing happen, and would do all precautions to steer clear of this possible scenario if I don't.
But I'm afraid the roles have reversed now. I can never understand why is it so hard for a girl to say 'No, please fuck off.' You say I'm bad tempered. But at least I've got integrity, at least I don't say something and mean another. At least I've always held my principles high up. At least I don't go in front of another and try to speak the gospel truth about someone else and act as some sort of fucking mediator when the person knows well enough he's merely playing afool with my mind. At least I don't do things like how a real wussy would, talking with his brainless ITE-manifested cells and acting all saint about it. You know whatever he's got to say now, I'm just gonna take it like a road-sweeper's mumbling to himself. If he respected us, he would have never done and said what he did and said. Because deep down inside that cracked heart of mine, I know for sure, that he is no more than a man no worthy of even the minor consideration of rather or not to respect him or not.
End of rant.
For now this is not just emptiness, this is more than just that.
posted@9:12 AM
Friday, February 10, 2006
Cold.
Melancholy.It's been a long time since I've felt so cold in the mornings.
I woke up this morning, reluctant to open my eyes, reluctant to know that I'm gonna wake up into a whole new world today - One that has changed tremendously, because of us.
I feel so painful inside, yet so empty. I don't feel like doing anything, I just want to enter into a deep slumber and forget everything. I couldn't sleep last night, and your words just kept bombarding my mind over and over and over again. Why is it that nothing seems to work, or does nothing ever lasts?
I feel so empty, because I can only reminisce the past, and hope for a better tomorrow. Last night when I left abruptly, I found myself taking step by step back to your house. There was this strange feeling that drew me to you, and as I took more steps, the more painful I felt. But after I left, I was so puzzled, so lost, not knowing what to expect. I feel so empty because I know maybe even if you are there in the future, it isn't the same anymore. And because I know that all these times, you never came as close to my heart as I thought you did. And not that I know of the truth, it just sucks all the passion inside me, all that love, faith, commitment.
Yes, it isn't the same anymore, because nothing lasts forever,
Even Cold November Rain.
Agony.
posted@6:02 AM
